I know, mama.
I know that, right now, it’s really bad.
I know that it feels like the world is crumbling around you and you don’t know how you are going to move on.
One day, things won’t be so scary.
Don’t get me wrong… it is always going to be hard.
The hard will never really get better, but you will mama.
You will get better.
You will get better at the paperwork. One day, those forms won’t make you cry.
You will get better at the meetings. One day, the words won’t break your heart.
You will get better at it all.
Right now it feels like all your dreams are over, but they’re not.
One day, you will have dreams again. They will just be different.
One day you’ll be able to breeze through those IEP meetings, without a single tear.
One day you’ll bounce from therapy to therapy, like its nothing.
Give yourself grace, mama.
You are doing the best that you can.
You are allowed to have all of the feelings.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to wonder, why you?
Why your baby?
You are allowed to grieve for the life that you planned for.
I promise that it doesn’t make you a bad mom.
You are allowed to make mistakes.
You are allowed to lose your temper.
You are allowed to cry.
You are allowed to be broken.
This process that you are going though, we all did it.
These feelings that you have, they are normal.
I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but one day you are going to be able to breathe again.
To the mama in the trenches.
To the mama who is drowning.
To the mama who is crying on the bathroom floor, this is for you.
Just hold on.
Just hold on for a little bit longer.
I know that it feels like you aren’t going to make it, but I promise you will.
You had nine months to prepare to become a mother.
You had time to read and learn and plan.
But Special Needs? You just tumbled into that world.
Of course, it is hard.
Don’t blame yourself for the hard.
One day, you will wake up and realize that things are going to be okay.
Life is going to change, but it will still go on.
One day you will know exactly what to do to for the meltdowns.
One day you won’t even care about the strangers who stare.
One day you will be stronger, even though you may still not feel like you are.
Eventually you will see more than the hard.
Eventually you will see the beauty.
It probably is going to take a long time.
That is okay.
One day you will be the one reaching to the mama that needs a lifeline.
One day you will be the one answering the questions.
One day you will be better.
You will be better in the world of autism.
I know because it happened to me.
I know because I was the mama in the trenches.
I was the mama who was drowning.
I was the mama crying on the bathroom floor.
And then, all of a sudden, one day I got up.
I still fall apart.
I still feel broken.
I’m still scared.
I still feel all the feelings, but I don’t stay there.
I feel them and then I come back to acceptance.
I feel them and then I choose joy.
One day, so will you.